Widow Watching

I might be about to ruffle a few feathers but…

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with another widow, and she reminded me that people widow 😻watch.

What people don’t tell you when you lose a spouse, is that you inherit collective public “grief police.”

I realized that while I always carry DT in my heart, I am still alive. And being alive comes with a very human desire for companionship, conversation, and honestly, romance.

However, the moment a widow considers dipping a toe back into the dating pool, the whispers start that “It’s too soon.”

There is this invisible, arbitrary clock that society expects you to follow. If you go on a date six months later, you’re "disrespectful." If you wait five years, you’re "stuck."

I can almost hear the mental calculations they’re making: Is she over him already? How could she move on so fast?

Moving forward is not the same as moving on. My love for DT isn't a feeling that runs out if I give some to someone else. It's not an equation; it's an expansion.

Watching a widow date feels like a spectator sport for some. People have opinions like – COMPARISON - "He’s nothing like DT” – GUILT - “What would DT think if he saw her with this new guy” – PERMISSION - “Wondering how my kids feel about me dating”…as if my life and my heart are community assets.

I’ve had to learn to build thick skin. I’ve realized that the judgment usually comes from a place of fear—people don't like to be reminded that life continues after tragedy, or they’re projecting their own ideas of "loyalty" onto a situation they haven't lived through.

The truth? There is no "right" time. There is only MY time.

If you’re a widow reading this and feeling those watchful eyes, remember: You are the only one who has to live your life. The people watching from the sidelines aren't the ones sleeping in your quiet house at night. You deserve joy, in whatever form—and on whatever timeline—it arrives.

ALSO - STOP WIDOW COOCHIE WATCHING